Week 53: The Wall

This is something I didn't think I'd write about for a while. My derby journey was going along quite swimmingly, admittedly with a few bumps along the way, but I could see myself slowly improving, and then I got to Level 2 and I couldn't believe I'd done it, and I was learning new things, but then it started to plateau. Things that I couldn't originally do, I still couldn't do. It wasn't like they had got a tiny bit better, they were exactly the same. For example, my endurance laps had not changed. My personal best is 23 3/4 and that is what I have got every time I've tried it since. I really worked on my crossovers, thinking they would help but I got 22 laps. I really tried my hardest, threw in as many crossovers as I could, pushed myself, and I got 23 1/2. So, in fact, I was getting worse!

I am still terrified of pack work, I still look at my feet, I still touch too many people, and grab on when I trip, or roll in to them when trying to stop. I still can't give whips; I feel like I'm doing nothing, I always drift in to the middle of the track, I always use just my arms rather then my whole body. I still have a mental block over counter-clockwise transitions, and it seems to be worse now I've convinced myself I can't do them. I still can't weave through cones, my derby stance is crap, my plough stops rarely work...whine, whine, whine. I used to leave practice either on a major high because I had accomplished something, or on a major low because I was frustrated and couldn't do something. But now I just leave feeling deflated. It's almost like I've stopped caring. Like I don't see the point anymore. I feel like I have got to a wall, and on that wall is a sign that reads "This is a far as you're gonna get". I have reached my peak, this is as good at skating I am ever going to get. It's like that bastard level on a video game which you realise you're never going to complete because it is just too hard and you do not have the wits to defeat it.

I recently read an article about pressure in roller derby training as I felt, originally, that I was under a lot of pressure to get better and to get signed off. However, the article mentioned positive reinforcement and how people expect to be told "Good job!" or "You'll get there!" whenever you try something or do something good. It went on to explain how that just wasn't the case, you can't always expect there to be someone to cheer you on. You can't wait for that treat when you've performed the right trick. You need to impress yourself and be your own cheerleader.

That hit hard. That was exactly how I felt. I was convinced I wasn't getting any better because no one had told me I was getting better. I was expecting streamers, a round of applause, fireworks, a neon sign saying NAILED IT! whenever I achieved something. I'm not saying my coaches or fellow skaters are horrible and never say nice things, but what they did say wasn't enough for me. At Level 1, I used to be this terrible skater that seemed to go against the odds and, although it took a while, managed to pass Level 1. I used to get praise because I managed to do it, but now I've shown that I can do it, I have the mindset to get through the skills, I don't need encouragement anymore because I should know I can do it.

After going through weeks of this, I was called over by a coach during hip whips. They gave me a few tips on how to get closer and what I need to be doing to really get it. I initially took it as criticism (constructive, yes, but I'm never good at taking criticism) and used it to work on my whips, but wasn't really thrilled. However, after the session I realised something - and this is something I have never realised in my whole entire life. I would hate criticism, anything, even if it was said nicely and was a tiny thing, I would always take it personally, always sulk, and refuse to change - what I realised was, this constructive criticism was actually nice. It was helpful and the coach gave it to me because they actually saw potential. They knew, more than me, that I could nail hip whips if I just tweaked it a little. It was an encouraging push, not a patronising "Yeah, you can do this!" where I then find out I can't actually do it at sign offs.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I didn't want to be patronised, I did want to be helped. I didn't want to be cheered on, I wanted to be criticised. The only way I'm going to break through that wall is if someone slaps me round the face, says "Stop sulking and f*cking practice!"

It might take me a while, but Level 1 took me a while and I did it. I'm not going to achieve anything sulking and just not trying. And when I do achieve something, I'm not going to expect a round of applause and sky writing, I'm just going to give myself a cheeky smile, mentally pat myself on the back, and maybe treat myself to a cupcake afterwards.

Week 52: The Trouser Snake

Now, I'm going to admit, I really can't remember what happened last practice on Saturday. I know there was pack work, and whips, but I can't remember it in great detail. However, a new weekly session was also introduced this week. Level 2's now have a Tuesday practice dedicated purely to game play tactics and pack work.

On the drive there, it occurred to me how nervous I still get about derby. Last week, I talked about how I'd got over my fear of skating in a pack, but I don't think I actually have. I worry about standing on people's feet, wheel locking, falling over, someone running over my fingers, tripping someone up. And then I worry about my own derby stance, my stability, how I look at my feet all the time, how I'm not particularly loud or confident. This was all going through my mind on the way to practice. Furthermore, it was at another new venue, so this also meant another new floor to get used to.

I found the venue and the right hall and started to kit up. The floor was polished concrete, which looked crazy slippy and painful to fall on. But I got up and went for a skate round. It was surprisingly grippy and not that scary at all really.

After a knackering warm up (knee taps on the straights, crossovers on the corners, plough stops on the whistle), we went through some basic pack work for the skaters who had never done it before. We practised recycling, pack avoidance, stopping in a pack, working through a pack, and falling in a pack. One of my derby wives is an excellent pack communicator. She will tell you where she's going, where you're going to go, what gaps need filling, what the pack needs to do, etc. She is just brilliant at it. However, she wasn't there tonight, so I took it upon myself to give it a go. I'd like to say I was a good communicator. I definitely told people where I was going (even if it was a little - "Coming round the inside...I mean outside!", "Someone take the inside, front line...I mean front, inside line!", etc) and I'd like to think I kept the pack in check with "Pack is long!", "Fill these gaps!", "Pack it up!", "We have no pack!!" and more.

After pack work, we moved onto 4 walls. This is where you have 4 people in a line, creating a wall. We went through the basics, starting at just skating in a line. Learning how to keep in line with the person on the inside, how the person on the outside will need to skate faster, etc. We even practised how to stop in a wall without it breaking up. After that, we learnt the roles of the 4 wall. How the person onside the inside (#1) guards that inside line with their life. How #2 has the one of the hardest jobs as they have to be able to move from the inside to the outside and help the skaters on either side to protect their side. How #3 moves with #4 to protect the outside if necessary and how they can leave the wall to go take out a player or help their own jammer but will return back to the wall as if on a bungee cord. #4 is the pack communicator and it is their job to keep an eye on the track and to tell the wall where to go and what they need to be doing.
We also practised with another skater being the jammer and we had to move as a wall to prevent them from getting through and we had to communicate where the jammer was (Lane 1, 2, 3 or 4.) It was actually really good fun, and I found I liked being in position #2 the most. I liked communicating where the jammer was and being able to move from one side of the track to the other.

We soon moved onto pack formations. These are different shapes a wall could form, mainly to help them speed up but so they could easily move back into a wall. The first position we learnt was called the "Snake" or "Zig Zag". There was a running tally of inuenndos from the session (you cannot say "hard", "tight", and "penetrate" all in one sentence!) so the snake soon became know as the "Trouser Snake". The Trouser Snake was formed when two alternate skaters would move ever so slightly forward and across, creating a kind of zig-zag. This helps with speeding up and stopping so you don't end up tripping over each others feet.
The second position was "The Diamond". This is when the zig-zag moves into each other more and one skater moves to the front, one to the back, and two in the middle, creating a diamond shape. This is the most efficient shape to form when picking up speed as a pack.
As a pack, we were awesome as moving from one shape to another. A fellow skater said "We're just like the Red Arrows!" until someone tripped over a skate!

The session ended with a bit of pack racing. I decided to be the skater at the back of the diamond, which was fine, and it turns out I skate a lot faster and more confidently as a pack than I do by myself! I don't know whether it's because I instinctively get lower in a pack, or if I just feel more safe with people around me. Who knows? I do know, though, that I skated much faster in pack racing than I thought I could!

Two hours flew by and it was a really enjoyable session. I love seeing how the skills we are learning are used when in a game situation. These Tuesday sessions will slowly start introducing us to more game play scenarios and, hopefully, we'll be awesome at it by the time we get to Level 3!